No one ever reads this blog. This I know. and I am fine with it, actually.

Not a whole lot of people even know it exists, and yet is is "out" there. for anyone to find it.

To dissect it. To relate to it.

and I am a ok with that.

The roller coaster.

When I had my hysterectomy last week, the doctor said while he was in there, he saw that part of my bowel had adheased itself to my stomach lining... making part of it kind of like a roller coaster. He also said it should cause any problems, and if it ever did, they would be very minor and be treatable by medication.

My emotions, however, have been a wreck. I dont think it is so much a "IM never ever going have another child, or period, or etc" but it's strange. I have been on the verge of crying at the drop of a hat all day today.

I think I might just go snuggle up on the couch and watch my wedding video.

*cry*

I don't understand it. Ever year, I think this is going to be the year that he actually accepts that our son has been here for x amount of time, and yet every year, I am still blindsided by his rage about the entire situation.

Yes our 8 year old isnt like a normal 8 year old. He still wears overnight diapers. He is very immature, much like the level of a 6 year old. We KNEW this... it is something that comes with the territory of being an Asperger's child.

ANd it drives me nuts, because he just wants to SHIP him off like he is nothing, and he wants me to be totally on board with this... and I just cant. I just cant.


I cant.. no i wont abandon my son because he isnt exactly what I want. Steven gets him on the ground, and bellows over him, screaming in his face. All because he is frustrated with things not going exactly his way.

and I am tired of it. I will not stand for it anymore.


I stood up for him and myself as much as I could tonight. I cant do much. I cant leave. I cant drive. I am still in a lot of pain.

I just want Jackson to have a drama free birthday.

He isnt perfect, but he is my son. And I love him.